strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
