I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
