i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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