i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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