drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
