She announced her abortion via fbk
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
