1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I puked a lego.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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