So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
