Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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