I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
