i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
