you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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