remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
