This girl is more easily done than said...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Redeem this text for a blowjob
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
