So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
