Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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