party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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