I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
