Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
