ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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