My Higher Power is John Stamos
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
