He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Also, beer. Big fan.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
