Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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