I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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