1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
