worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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