Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
