he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
