Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
