i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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