I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
