so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
