I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
