Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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