I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
