Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
