I'm jealous of your bromance
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
