I could make wine with my vomit
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
