I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
