Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
