Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
