DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
