How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
