I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
