would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
