its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dear god my vagina.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
