I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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