i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
