He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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