Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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