didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
